so, about That Show (aka smallville) and it's supposedly "epic, magical" season finale, i have one thing to say:seriously
you know, it wasn't even the content of the episode (well, not entirely) - it was the pacing that undid me. the whole episode felt so rushed. while i was watching, it felt like taking a roller coaster ride...on acid. i mean, first rokk comes back from the future (for like two seconds, way to be anticlimactic) and is all "you're going to die" and then, next thing i know, there's this supposedly epic clois scene with the phone booth and the anonymous phone calls and the complete lack
of chemistry, and then oliver's shooting
and that was all before the first commercial break. really, it'd just be easier to list all the inanely twisterific things in this episode:
1. bart and dinah reappear -- for like a minute, and they're only function seemed to be as backup dancers/bobbleheads for the clark-and-ollie love parade. really, one of the only high points of this episode was bart calling them out on it and being all "there's a lot of tension here"
2. chloe puts the kibosh on the davis/doomsday dr. jekyll picture show - which has an impact that lasts about .00022 seconds before all sorts of other fuckery goes down
3. clark spills the super speshul alien!snowflake secret to jimmy
of all people -- really, smallville? really
? is there any continuity or rationale to this show at all? one second jimmy's a morphine addict, and divorcing chloe, and insanely jealous of clark, and whabam, he gets an eyeful of clark kent butt (oh director, thanks for making sure tom welling landed on his front when ollie shot, the view almost made up for this sad excuse for a finale) and all of a sudden he's on the i heart c.k.
bandwagon? sorry, but i'm not buying it.
4. the writers spend half a season developing this arc where davis is really a wonderful person (he's a emt! what kind of logic were they using?) who can't control his dark and fangy complex and then they not only have him murder jimmy, but they make him the whole reason clark decides he hates humanity? what?
5. clark hates humanity. i will never get over this. i don't care if it's just a set-up for next season when the writers reveal that it was all a trick and clark actually died and was a ghost and only said all that to let chloe down easy -- in about six minutes of screentime they managed to destroy everything clark kent is supposed to stand for. because, honestly, they seem to be forgetting that he is supposed to become superman - superman
- and iconic and this amazing superpowered alien who believes in humanity so much that he's willing to spend his life protecting it. is it so hard for them to keep that tiny little detail intact? i get that batman's huge (and deserved, don't get me wrong, i mean, i went to see the dark knight three times while it was in theaters) but i really don't think it's necessary for the producers to try and turn clark into bruce wayne.
6. lois. i'm not really a fan of EDLois. in fact, she's one of the main reasons i never got into this fandom for so long. however, she's admitted by basically everyone to be a huge part of the show. except
...she had like ten minutes of screentime and then disappeared to what i assume is the thirty-first century in what was clearly supposed to be one of those edge-of-your-seat cliffhangers tv producers are so fond of...except
it didn't work. it didn't feel like a cliffhanger, it felt like the writers were too lazy to properly set up the story line (or, more accurately, like they chose to forgo actual plot development in favor of chick fight! 2.0
7. chick fight 2.0. i think everyone involved with this show needs to check out the commentary on the buffy box set - "Breaking Barriers: It's Not A Chick Fight Thing". i'm just saying.
8. jimmy jr? yeah, i was never really fan of jimmy, but if the writers are really trying to set up his never-before-heard-of baby-faced lil bro as the jimmy olson of the comics, i'm gonna be pretty peeved. that's just plot-holey X infinity. what happened to his nonexistent deadbeat family? were were they at his wedding? i mean, if they can bother to cast them for the finale - and i'm assuming that throughout this season, or at least by bride, the writers had this endgame in mind, then why not show them at the wedding? ugh, i can hear continuity screaming
9. chloe. it was basically kick-chloe-while-she's-down week. they give her jimmy back, just to have him die on her. they give her davis, only to turn him into a psycho who also dies. they give her lois, only to have her disappear. and they give her clark, who just...fails on her. honestly, i'm surprised she didn't make herself death number 20409358345 of the episode and have her put herself out of her misery.
10. ollie's single tear of suck. you know, up until like two weeks ago, i was pretty sure that he and jimmy barely even knew each other. now they're all bromance/tear-shedding/i-will-follow-
you-into-the-dark? ahem. i really hope someone slashes them, because in my head, the writers fully got FCCensored into leaving out the real
reason Jimmy got that job -- Ollie: Chloe's gone and Bart and Dinah look pretty cozy. Hey, Jimmy, you're high enough to do anything. Wanna fuck? -- cuz that's the only reasonable explanation that i can think of.
11. where the hell is the league? they show up for like five seconds a scene and disappear. ksjghslgkjsjgslkjg
12. the purple gloop of kandor? still not convincing me. time to bring out the big kid special effects, smallville. The Good
1. bart calls chloe beautiful. awwwww.
2. i have to admit, the chimmy scene in the watchtower was adorable. if only they had written them like that from the beginning .
3. the watchtower. i'd take that over lana's stupid isis foundation any day of the week. plus, the set looked gorgeous.
4. lois and jimmy - honestly, those two have really good...i hesitate to call it chemistry for fear of the romantic undertones, but they work well together. both of them have great comedic timing and their scenes together always come off as sort of...frothy? that's the closest i can come to describing it.
5. the scene where clark heads to the geothermalwhatchamacallit and finds everyone passed out on the floor? i basically love how he ignores everyone - davis! oliver! fishnet-wearing-dinah! - and heads straight to chloe.
6. zod. dare i hope that there might be actual conflict next season?
7. the little orb that could. i kind of love how they took the cheesiest prop ever and a. made tess in love with it and b. made it able to blast a crater out of the house and float around on its own. because, what, the orb needed a vacation? it spent the whole episode tanning its shiny round orbness in the bahamas and gearing up to spit out zod? oh, some things are so ridiculous they're good by default.
8. tom welling is pretty.
9. chloe watches her onetruelove jimmy die. and her "dark prince" die. and her cousin disappear. and the second she sees clark it's all "you're alive!" followed by a sound of music dash down the stairs. if it hadn't been followed by clark's speech of ghostly suckage, that scene might almost have saved the ep. Conclusions
tom welling is pretty. oh, and in one episode the writers managed to shatter every promising story line they spent all season
building up. and after we got back from the first commercial break, we got to watch the destruction of most of the superman mythos. and then the beginning of the plot holes from hell. however, i'm now completely inspired to spend all my spare time writing fic for this fandom just to make up for this crap. so, yay?