a lot of people have wondered why i never wanted contacts - well, today i present to you the best reason ever to avoid contacts (or, a story from rachel's saturday night)
our lovely protagonist (moi) happens to be very fond of mac's lash-defining mascara. you might even go so far as to call it her best friend. but, in the tradition of all sexy best friends (hello lex luthor, we miss you) it went bad. how? well...
all of those lovely mascara-aided lashes got stuck to my left contact. so i, of course, went with the reflex of brushing/rubbing them out of the way. and when that didn't work, i (being a very resourceful protagonist, none of that wishy washy bella swan nonsense up in here) attempted to take my contact out. in the car. in a maryland parking lot at 11:30 at night.
unfortunately, no one warned me (oh that evil ministry of
magic contact wearing, why must you keep the public in the dark?) that these favorable conditions won't persuade the contact to magically jump onto your finger. so the contact stayed put. and mascara the evil bff caused Severe Itching in the eye area. mon dieu, what was a girl to do?
well, the natural course was to rub the eye in question vigorously. which i did. and then my contact ripped in half. in half. and i couldn't even tell if the other half was still in my eye or not.
so, after several badly lit public restrooms, many, many restaurant patrons wondering why on earth the insane girl kept touching her eye and going "ohmygodohmygodohmygod", and a very rushed trip home (surprising sans ticket, but only because we explained to the police officer and he let it slide), we got home.
and then i spent an hour staring at my eyeball in a giant mirror and trying to figure out if the contact (well, half...let's call it halfie, shall we?) was still stuck to my eye and how to get it if it was -- why yes, this period did feature a panic attack, my mother was most unimpressed. by the end of the night we concluded halfie was no longer on my person and so i went to sleep.
but then came morning, all three hours ago (for me). and my eye still felt strange. so after more rubbing (can you tell i was the little kid in preschool with both hands like permanently glued to her face?) out popped halfie. i'm not sure if i was more horrified or relieved. relieved, for obvious reasons. horrified because a. i'd heard all the sleeping with contacts horror stories and b. because if it'd been in all night and we couldn't see it, where the hell had it been?
and so ends the story. i hope you tell it to all your children in the grand style of horror stories everywhere. don't forget the flashlights, blankets, and appropriate exclamations of pure horror.
in more happy news, i spent most of yesterday at meggo's, helping her friend get ready for prom. my makeup skills were put to good use on her at least. who knew i could line someone's eyes without killing them?